Have you ever wanted to change something about yourself, a pattern or way of being in this world? Have you ever thought about the impact the way others see you, believe in you and hold space for you has on your sense of self and ability to succeed in creating the change you desire?
I remember when one of my dear friends was stuck in a pattern of being late. She was known for always being late. It was so rampant, we would tell her the gathering was starting two hours before it really was in hopes that she would arrive on time. Usually still late. This is who she was and this is what we had come to expect.
One day she shared with me that she wanted to change her late ways and declared she would always be on time from that day forward. She wanted to become a “being on time, is late” kind of person. I remember all the thoughts that ran through my head as I heard this. Thoughts that invalidated her desire and found her declaration unbelievable. All the times before of being late made my case as to why this was not possible.
But at that moment, I made a choice. A choice to have her back, to see her in the present moment and validate the energy of which she wanted to step into and become.
I was aware that my negative thinking and disbelief had a profound effect on her energy. It invalidated her and kept her in the past. It paralyzed her and made her desire that much more challenging.
Think about going to your high school reunion, if you were brave enough to do so. One of the challenges to navigate was being seen as if you were still the person you were way back when. Not being seen in the present moment for who you are and all of the growth you have created.
We have a gift to be able to see a person in the present time. To validate and celebrate who they are today and who they want to become tomorrow.
There are many reasons it can be challenging to hold space for change. We are in fear of being disappointed, hurt, made a fool of, and so forth. It can be vulnerable to hold space for people to change, especially if their patterns and actions have caused harm to us in the past.
Sometimes, patterns of individuals are toxic and harmful to our well being and it is supportive and protective for us to keep our distance and not trust the proclaimed change.
However when we can hold a boundary and neutrality staying disconnted to their energy then it is a healing for us to let go and allow them to be fully responsible for their changes.
This allows healing and change for all.
Sometimes in those situations, the proclaimed change may not be sincere or may need immense outside support to help the person change. So to be clear, I am not saying to dismiss hurt and toxic ways. You know what is best, you know what to trust and you are always your best guide.
What I am saying is holding neutrality and allowing yourself to let go of the process or outcome gives space for the past to be healed and the present to be owned.
I am speaking to the changes and steps up you or the people in your life want to make that illuminate the wellbeing for all.
Being stuck in a box - or an old version of yourself - is limiting and suffocating. Choosing to see yourself and others in present time and celebrate the growth desired holds an energetic space for miracles to happen.
This is what happens when we desire to change. We need to release an energy or way of being in order to step into a new vibration. But how often are we held back because those around us do not believe in us or hold the vision for us that we want to create?
They hold an old version. See us in the past which acts as a cage and limits our growth.
There is enough for us to move through in our own thoughts and patterns that make it challenging. If I want to be on time from now on but those around me continue to hold the vision and belief that I am always late, does that impact my ability to change? I would say for most, yes.
Here are some ways to know if you are holding someone in an old version of themselves (or yourself):
Do you find yourself invalidating them and calling them out? “You are always pessimistic, what do you mean you are optimistic!”
Do you find yourself talking about them in the past most of the time instead what is happening today? “Remember the time you...”
When you see them in your mind's eye, is it an image of them when they were younger instead of today in the present time.
Do you set them up to stay in the old pattern and not give them opportunities to practice the new way of being? For example, still telling them the gathering starts two hours earlier than it does because you don’t want them to be late instead of giving them the respect to be able to manage their time and step into their evolution.
Do you find yourself judegemental and critical?
What is most impactful is the change we can create when we are held in our vision. When someone sees us and believes in us. It is much easier to step into a higher vibration when your ability to do so is validated and encouraged.
Not encouraged from a place of criticism or self-benefit but from a place of true support for the other person to create the change they desire. Because it feels good. It is kind. And we want people to hold our visions for us, don’t we?
Think about a time you wanted to change and someone didn’t believe in you. How did that feel? How did that impact your ability to create the change?
Now think of a time someone really believed in you, saw you and encouraged you with love and non-judgment. How did that feel? How did that impact your ability to create the change?
As a spirit, we create through images, visions, pictures. We see it and on a vibrational level, it exists. To bring it into the physical realm there are layers of energy - thoughts, beliefs, feelings - the vision must move through. When we hold positive, encouraging thoughts there is less bumpiness for the vision to go through therefore it is easier to manifest.
Disbelief, negativity, judgment, rigidity all add to the debris in the pathway of change, healing, and creation. We have the power to either support a vision in its birth or hinder it’s arrival all in the way we see, feel and think of it.
This goes for other’s visions and for our own.
When you desire to create a new habit or create change, be aware of your thoughts, feelings, and visions surrounding it. Choose to support it by stepping in as if it already exists.
Holding neutrality is a skill. It is one of the most important impactful skills we cultivate because with neutrality change can happen. Energy can flow however in resistance or or effort energy gets stuck.
Here are some ways to know if you are holding space for growth and change (for yourself + others):
Are you grounded in the present moment, aware of what is happening now? Do you find yourself validating them and allowing what is happening right now to be truer then what has happened in the past? “You are optimistic!”
You are able to let go and release the old ways recognizing the actions were in the past.
When you see them in your mind's eye, is it an image of them today in the present time instead of them in the past.
You give permission from a neutral, safe space for them to step in and practice their new ways. If you notice they slip for a moment, you still allow the vision of them in their new growth to be dominant and not shame them.
You are able to be neutral to the process and outcome.
Next time there is a change you or someone else would like to create, see yourself/them in present time, hold that vision with you/them and invite it in with encouragement, an open mind, and an open heart.
Imagine, if we each step into the higher vibrations we desire and more capable versions of ourselves, the world’s vibration would elevate tremendously. And that is a brilliant vision to hold.